Thursday, May 28, 2009

Done

That's it. Exams are overrrr :)
Back at home in TO for the week!
June 1st is the first day of clinical placement at St. Mary's :)

Labels: home, School

posted at 12:29 AM by Jo -

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Listen

My family is so cryptic. I don't think I will ever understand them.

People say my family is some sort of 'model' family - always happy, always reasonable, always calm. If you were ever in my shoes for a week, or even just a couple days, you would realize such a family does not and will never exist. I am sure my family is not the only one, though at this point I can only speak from my personal perspective. People might only see the bright side and never the 'other' side...and some of the few who have seen glimpses of the true 'us' never seem to understand that we are people who have feelings and sometimes just want to be left alone. Others are very genuine in their support and rebuke, for which I am thankful. Other times, there are some who go poking around into people's lives not to be kind but 'just to know', and it makes me want to just tell them to leave us alone. In the end, we will always hold our heads high with half a smile and attempt to gracefully push them away. The facade remains and, often, so does the pain.

Listening is something our family is very poor at. Extremely poor. I think we would fall off the scale, if there were a reliable, validated outcome measure for chinese families in Canada. It bewilders me how much our internal communication has broken down over the years, because less than a decade ago, I would have told anyone that I would give up anything and everything for these people. And that's how I believed it should be - family first.

In writing this, I realize that my idol was not a golden calf, not school, not a career, not people, not even material treasures, but it was my family. In trying to honour them in the best way I know how, I have lost sight of the fact that God is the one who I am trying to honour by honouring them; God truly is to be my one and only, a Father who disciplines, a Son who saves, and a Spirit who guides.

Labels: Family, Reflection

posted at 3:58 PM by Jo -

Friday, May 22, 2009

Studying for Exams

For some reason, almost every term I have some sort of exam, I post pictures...strange pictures. Well, they used to all be of me or pam...hehe...but this time, I get to hold the camera muhahahaha... (but really, it's mostly because I won't let people hold it =P) Oh pam, you are right, the kookiness is what's missing - the sad tale of people staring at me strangely (eyes wide open and half-turned to run) when i do kooky things. ;) At least the teradactyl hasn't come by for a visit yet...

The following is evidence that I do actually study. Or at least, it can be inferred that if other people around me are studying, then I, the camera holder, should also be. erm yesss... *cough cough*

Labels: Exams, Food, friends, nerds, School

posted at 1:07 PM by Jo -

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Some people say, "School is school, same old, same old"

UW vs QU, they just aren't the same. Of course, you say, they're not even near each other, not catered to the same vision, and certainly not remotely alike in aesthetic appearances. Sure, there are generalizations of differences and similarities. But I have to say, hands down, there's just something about UW that makes me want to be back there and watch those people grow. That choice has nothing to do with loyalty to the school I completed my undergrad in, nor is it to do with the nostalgia of the good times I've had there. Christian community and classmates alike, I find a much more genuine, open and caring group of people there. Perhaps it's just me, I don't know. Likely I am biased somehow. All I know is that I might be sitting in another classroom 4 hours away, writing another super long exam getting the same hand cramps, butt numbness and foot snoring...but it just isn't the same, not even close.

I feel it in my bones.

(Good thing I don't feel impending rainstorms though!)

Labels: School

posted at 10:12 PM by Jo -

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Here I am for You (Steve Fee)

It's not surprising that this song touched Carol as it did me. Eunice introduced it at felly yesterday night and though the music itself is not particularly something I like, I really loved the lyrics.

Can I sit with you awhile?
Can you hold me, I'm your child
Can I come to you with words so few,
And rest inside Your arms
Can I sit with you awhile?

Can I listen to Your heart?
Can I feel it beat with mine?
I've come to love the way you cover me
With who you are
Can I listen to Your heart?

Chorus:
What better friend, what better Father
No greater King, no other Saviour
My only God, my perfect lover
Here I am for You

The words make me realize just how precious it is to spend time with my God, my only God. There is no one better, no one greater, with whom I would rather spend time or just be in synchrony.


Addendum:
It's strange - I have never really thought why everything else should be put on hold while I'm going through tough times like final exams. Of course, there is stress, which I think I have become somewhat accustomed to - or at least anticipate it - but there really is no comparison to worshiping God with other believers or spending time alone before His throne.

With all the scheduling around exams, I am frequently tempted to consider how much time is lost - going to felly or church, etc. If I really tried to calculate it, and then compare to how diligently my housemate studies day and night with minimal sleep, I scare myself because I know that I am still way behind. Yet there's always the voice of the Spirit in me, constantly reminding me of the glory and honour that is due to Jesus the Christ, my God, our LORD. "Compare yourself to Christ by His standards, not anyone else's," He says. Every time I hear His voice, I say to myself, "I know," and decide to submit myself, and my studies, to Him again. So I am learning time and time again that humble submission - putting Christ rather than school or success FIRST - is a recurrent and active decision.

Heavenward.

Labels: Music, Reflection, School

posted at 6:14 PM by Jo -

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Free Coupon: May 21, 12-5pm only.
http://www.timhortons.com/ca/en/menu/icedcoffee.html

Top it off with a Harvey's burger, May 24th
http://www.harveys.ca/eng/index.php

Labels: Food, Free stuff

posted at 4:45 PM by Jo -

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

In light of recent posts: this is perhaps one of the psalms that puts so much peace and awe of God's desire to love me in my being. Yes, it's a copy-paste from biblegateway.com, so pay no mind to any formatting errors.

Psalm 139 (NIV)

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

¹ O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.

² You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.

⁵ You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.

⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

¹¹ If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"

¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

¹⁶ your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!

¹⁸ Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake, I am still with you.

¹⁹ If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!

²⁰ They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.

²¹ Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?

²² I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.

²³ Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

Labels: Reflection, Scripture

posted at 10:25 PM by Jo -

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Really, stranger things have happened...

For some odd reason, my previous post seems to come across as some type of complaint that I don't like the fact that I don't look or act like everyone else. Well, in case it seemed misconstrued, it wasn't intended to be so - While it is still going to take a number of trips to the gym before my heart is healthy, I have no qualms about my current appearance and love for food...and often amaze myself at the strange photos that end up on my camera... ;)


Ah, and in case you haven't told your mom yet.... HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!

Labels: Food, friends, Kingston, School, Sports, Volunteering

posted at 8:47 PM by Jo -

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Beyond "Weights & Stuff"

There was once a request for me to write about the struggle of girls and appearance...oh, more than a year ago now, I think. I have to be honest though: people do change and this struggle has changed for me as I have encountered different challenges through this past year. God has brought me full circle to my conclusions 2 1/2 years ago (See 16Nov2006). So, cutting the vague chit-chat, here goes...

Growing up with an older brother and a mother who herself did not dress up/wear make-up/etc. was a huge influence on what I care about today. Hand-me-downs are like prizes or Christmas presents (though I am happy I never inherited Joseph's Jaws attack t-shirt :p). Though my aunt was really big on make-up, my days of dress-up ended by the time I was in grade 2 or so - my father was the one who persisted in curling my bangs with an iron - while attempting to have me multitask by practicing piano at the same time...all of which cried 'disaster!' at the inception of that thought. Even recently, my class had a party at someone's house, and one of the asian guys leaned over and commented nicely on my housemate, who had put on make-up (like the rest of the girls). He then turned to me, drink in hand, did a double take and squinted without comment - surprised that I could finally use this line (which I learned from a 79-year-old), I lifted my hands in mock horror and said sarcastically, "What, you don't like this face? I spent hours on it!"

On top of it all, I don't think I was ever 'built' for girl clothes. Though in wrestling I might be considered a light-weight, I am certainly not thin - perhaps an "average" of 15-20 lbs heavier than the other girls in my current class. It has always been that way and I have never given it much thought except when my aunt sends me clothes from HK that say "XXL" on the tag and I can barely breathe with the shirts on! "Sssaave meee!" I would barely whisper to my mom, ready with arms lifted up so she could help peel off the shirt for me ;-) Instead, I loved playing sports, I loved being active and I loved trying to prove to myself that I could be as good as one of 'the guys' - or at least not be 'girly'.

Being in a professional program has put another spin on the challenge to care about appearances. There is already pressure from professional standards in health care to dress and act a certain way, but being a physical therapy student makes the 'professional' aspect of dress seem even more important - we all want people to take us seriously, believe what we say is true, so we 'have to look the part'. I must admit, I still sport the same types of t-shirt-and-jeans I did when I was in high school, and that makes me feel quite out of place even just on the university campus. I wouldn't go as far to say it's a style, but this manner of dress has elicited a 'you're such a kid!' or 'oh you're just so cute!' more than once from multiple new and old friends. Great.

The struggle lasted, oh, a couple months I think - what disturbed me was that the amount of thought I put into dressing for a school day was slowly becoming comparable to that for a Sunday morning. "Sunday best", mom always calls it - the best you have in your closet for God. Yes, I agree, it really is all about the heart and preparing the best for God in that manner - however, I believe that which is inside can also reflect on the outside. So, if my best are a nice pair of jeans and the only clean shirt which happens to be a sweatshirt, then I'll go for it - if it is in my capacity to bring a nice shirt, dress pants and black shoes to school, that's what I want to bring to God because it is my best.

I think one important aspect of appearance that always seems to be left unmentioned - or perhaps described inappropriately - is the idea of how we dress. What I shall leave as 'half-naked people' roam the streets, our schools... it's not as horrible as I make it sound, but in essence that's the picture - tops and bottoms have followed the trends of being low cut or short...or both. We know that sexual immorality is wrong. We know we are constantly warned against lustful thoughts and deeds. And we also know that a sin is not just an action but a thought as well. To top it off, as a people of one body, we are warned to avoid actions that may cause a brother or sister to fall. Indeed, if we even have a lustful thought about someone who is married, or if we ourselves are married and have such lustful thoughts about others, we bring adultery as a sin to the table. So the challenge is this: regardless of fashion era, dress and carry yourself in a manner that is not so revealing as to cause another brother or sister to sin. Summer is coming, and I have to say, it's not easy!

And that is what it eventually leads to - it is all about God. As Christians, we are called to be holy and consecrated for God ultimately because of His holy character (e.g., Lev 20, 1 Peter 1). We are to strive to be closer to the Father and He already made that possible through his Son, Jesus Christ. So what's one way we can keep our character holy? One of my favourite verses is in Philippians 4:

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

And this verse is what became real to me again a couple weeks ago. What is true? What is noble? How do we know what is right, pure, lovely, admirable? Mrs. Yu rephrased these questions as, What is not a lie? What has integrity? What is righteous, not tainted, precious by God's standards, praise-worth? Think about such things. I believe that if I spend my time thinking about God, His character, His Scriptures...finding out what God means by righteousness, knowing what Truth is... if I consume my thoughts in a godly manner, where is the time or the space in my brain to consider that which is false, evil, lustful, hateful or malicious, etc.? Further to my thoughts in Nov2006, the verse that follows instructs us to put it into practice. Don't just THINK....DO! James (2) shows us that deeds is a natural progressionof faith.

God has even provided the Holy Spirit as a guide and helper in us, and it is clear that our bodies are a temple for the Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:18-20). This instruction shows me that it's not only our spirit that we must care for - it's also our physical bodies - to me, that goes beyond beauty to encompass physical health. So yes, I think it is appropriate to exercise regularly and eat and sleep right to keep healthy. I want to be physically ready to be an ambassador for Christ.

So the last challenges I have for you are two comments made by Danny in our sunday school. The first is about faith - by claiming Christ as our LORD, we automatically declare Satan as our enemy, so for sure there will be a battle. I don't say Christians do not struggle at all. In fact, it could very well be the opposite: the more we strive to obey God, to love God and be more like Him, the stronger the attack Satan uses. If you ask God to teach you patience, don't be surprised if God gives you a challenge where you need patience!

The second is about the 'walking' part of Christian faith: if someone in the court of law charged you for being a Christian, would you be guilty? Would there be evidence of your faith in this world?

Labels: Appearances, Reflection

posted at 8:41 AM by Jo -